Oh! How I wonder…

I wonder about women. I am a woman; and, honestly, I wonder about me too.  I wonder how some women manage to place themselves into the most unsafe experiences, why they don’t safeguard their own bodies against unwanted advances, unwanted pregnancies, and unwanted venereal diseases.  I wonder how some women manage to place themselves into unsafe experiences yet they also manage to change the course of the outcome into something positive, thereby thwarting all of those unwanted variables.  I wonder how I managed my life in a way that fortune always seems to smile upon my crazy head.

Then I begin to wonder about the world. I live in the world.  I have seen it, several times, from the clouds, 13,500 feet above the hustle and bustle.  I have “stepped to the edge, to see my world below.”  I have free fallen, tandem, a strange heart beating against my back, pulling the rip-chord, feeling the heave as I am launched back up into the ether.  Then comes the gentle glide toward earth.  In that gentle swaying, slowly falling, I notice the earth below me, I see the small ant-like creatures.  They are moving at a seemingly fast pace, as they grow larger and larger in my slow descent.  I see the beautiful mountains of New York State, the Hudson River, The City of my dreams – Manhattan – all in my sight.  I feel the tug of emotion from the solar plexus.  And, I wonder.

I wonder how this big beautiful planet came to be. I wonder how there is love and hate and how that chasm grew between the two extremes.  I wonder how this beauty in our world below my dangling feet is being filled by those ever growing ant-like creatures with the negative extreme.  I wonder how it is not, in all of its glory and beauty, how could it possibly not be overcome by the power of love?  And then I wonder.

My instructor gives the command to lift my feet, he cradles me in his lap, gently my ass glides on the grass below, in what, a few short seconds before, I perceived as my field of dreams. Tandem.  A strange heart beating against my back.  13,500 feet above all of this…this madness…I trusted a stranger with my life. I wonder.  I wonder how the heart beating behind me, and the heart in my own chest – for a short few minutes – how we managed to be so close, but the world beneath us could be so far apart.  I wonder.


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